Feminism Is For Everyone, Guys.
Date Night China host Nathan shares a book guide for men who want to see what feminism is all about.
I really want to avoid every cliché of discussing this topic from a bloke’s perspective that comes across as patronizing and sensational. This article shouldn’t alarm anyone, especially men.
However, since it is International Women’s Month and many communities in China are coming together to celebrate and support women, not to mention raise money for exceptionally worthwhile charities, I thought I would just put some thoughts on paper for my brothers out there who may have a few lingering reservations about the wider discussions around women’s needs.
Did anyone ask me to write this? No… but I must admit I have been in waaayy to many chat groups over the past couple of years where there’s been a post about a woman’s charity or event and then at least one guy writes “Yeah but what about men? We suffer, sexism, abuse, mental anguish etc., too.” Or, “Why isn’t there an International Men’s Day?”
First of all, yes, there is actually an International Men's Day. It's November 19, and celebrates the positive value men bring to the world, their families and communities and raises awareness of men’s well-being.
It's designed to target issues like the high male suicide rate, male deaths through violence, better birth control options for dudes, and promoting good male role models. All great stuff!
And the other answer to that is: if we did have to divide the days in the year and take a look, a scary majority could be called International Men’s Day because of institutionalized sexism.
Should my misguided bros feel better about having a day to ourselves? Yes and no.
Yes, because highlighting experiences and finding commonality and space for discussion is always important and men are typically closed off entities (which is kinda also due to institutionalised and internalised sexism, of which men and women are to blame).
But just because we have a day, it shouldn't outweigh or belittle International Women's month. Alas, the problem is that some guy may genuinely be asking because it's the first time he's given much thought to it and therefore he's on a journey of learning, albeit at the start of the journey, but he's on the road nonetheless. Social media is cruel and if you speak your mind about this, you can be shunned and berated to an unhealthy degree. I don't usually agree with attacking someone just because they don't know something.
For guys, I think feminism can be scary because it’s easy to misunderstand. It’s easy to misunderstand that it’s about hating men and not seeing that the enemy is sexism, not men. Both woman and men can be guilty of sexism or just be unconsciously biased towards it, because it’s ingrained in our society.
But as I wrote at the start, this isn’t about preaching.
If you are a guy and you want to start somewhere on seeing what the fuss is about feminism, I’d recommend a few books (all of which can be downloaded on your phone or downloaded as audiobooks).
1. Feminism Is For Everybody by Bell Hooks
“(Feminism) is not about being anti-male. It makes it clear that the problem is sexism. And that clarity helps us remember that all of us, female and male, have been socialized from birth on to accept sexist thought and action.
As a consequence, females can be just as sexist as men. And while that does not excuse or justify male domination, it does mean that it would be naive and wrongminded for feminist thinkers to see the movement as simplistically being for women against men.
To end patriarchy (another way of naming the institutionalized sexism) we need to be clear that we are all participants in perpetuating sexism until we change our minds and hearts, until we let go of sexist thought and action and replace it with feminist thought and action.” - Bell Hooks
2. How Not to Be a Boy by Robert Webb
“Feminists aren’t out to get us,” he explains, rather unnecessarily. “They are out to get the patriarchy. They don’t hate men, they hate The Man” – he is clear and convincing in his argument that addressing the gender conditioning of men will improve life for all.
It’s with a mixture of bafflement and frustration that he unpicks the semantics of masculinity and femininity, noting how many words “come pre-loaded with a steam tanker of gender manure from the last century”. He asks what it is to “act like a man”, why men struggle to maintain adult friendships and why they are more likely than women to kill themselves.
“To put it childishly,” he says, “if you want a vision of masculinity, imagine Dr Frankenstein being constantly bum-raped by his own monster while shouting, “I’m fine, everyone! I’m absolutely fine!” - Excerpt from The Guardian.
3. The Will to Change by Bell Hooks
"In The Will to Change, Bell Hooks gets to the heart of the matter and shows men how to express the emotions that are a fundamental part of who they are—whatever their age, marital status, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. But toxic masculinity punishes those fundamental emotions, and it’s so deeply ingrained in our society that it’s hard for men to not comply—but hooks wants to help change that.
With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, Hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. She believes men can find the way to spiritual unity by getting back in touch with the emotionally open part of themselves—and lay claim to the rich and rewarding inner lives that have historically been the exclusive province of women. A brave and astonishing work, The Will to Change is designed to help men reclaim the best part of themselves."
Hopefully these books will give some perspective on feminism. Come out and support women as allies on March 8 for the Beijing International Women's Day Event.
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Date Night China is a digital media brand and international community based in China. We focus on creating media content and hosting events that help people connect, expand their cultural perspectives, and share stories related to dating and relationships in China. We currently host events in Shanghai and Beijing, but our community has people from all over China and is open to any nationality, gender, and identity.
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